new year; different feelings.

Just suddenly had the inclination to blog, as though it was some sort of a craving that I had to satisfy. At my age now I start thinking if I am slowly growing out of the phase in life when blogging is the IN thing. Do you feel the same way?

There are much thoughts running in my mind, so I just felt like typing some out since I tend to express myself better through words, be they written or type-written.

Funny how it never fails to shake my conscience each time I sit through sermons on Sundays, sometimes even more so during BS that I can really break down and tremble. I'd reckon it is Thou working in me to mould me into what He wills me to be. The past year in LBPC has been a tremendous blessing - and really, now I begin to see more of the abundant blessings Thou has bestowed in this transcient life of mine, and many aspects of my life are more in perspective now. I can finally understand the significance of church-going and fellowship. YF Camp was a first for me, and considerably a blast... what a way to end off 2010. Sweet fellowship and conscience-provoking lessons are some of the apt descriptions of what I have experienced there.

Much change is needed in me, in my opinion. It does help a lot when I am taken out of my comfort zone and strongly encouraged to step out in order to move foreword. I feel there is truth that a prolonged period of non-communication between any two friends can actually distort both parties' perception of each other and cause distancing due to misinterpretation of each other's behaviour and the lack of personal communication. In general, often when I don't talk to some people whom I know, I tend to feel that the friendships may turn cold and stale, and in turn, I'll become overly self-conscious of the implications of my actions. Hmmm I don't know, am I making sense?

Maybe I am just tired right now, and not relying on Him enough recently.

Sometimes, I wonder, where is the sense in it.

Of profanities and wildly imaginative thoughts... many times I shudder at such encounters around me. Then again, His Word never fails to prompt me and hit me...

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Matthew 7:1-5 (KJV)

... and so I try to figure out where they're coming from; what makes them the way they are; to get a fuller picture. For we're all humans alike, and we share similar tendencies. Oh, I pray - and keep me in prayer, please.

God Bless.

Eight months on...

... and life is pretty much different from what it was last year. Praise be to Thou for His never ending grace and mercy, because there were a myriad of lessons learnt during the past months when it may have seemed to others that it was the time of my life after many years of formal education. It's kinda ironical how I feel that lessons picked up outside the school context seem to stick with me closer than textbook knowledge. Just this past week alone, there never had been so many verses from Thy word speaking to me as though someone was telling me straight in my face.

In summary of the past months...
Am giving thanks to Thou for finally understanding what it means by 'hard earned money' through various job stints. Had a handful of opportunities to spend time with the people dear to me. Perhaps the most blessed thing that happened to me this year was settling into church. I have learnt a lot, and there is still more to learn, but the real challenge is application. O for a closer walk with Him...

At present and in the foreseeable future, I picture myself diving into books and mugging, once again, for a greater part of the time.

God Bless.


And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, not foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

Ephesians 5:2-4 (KJV)

Open rebuke is better than secret love.

Proverbs 27:5 (KJV)

Blessings manifold.

Again, I am embarrassed for not having updated since donkey months ago. Too much to talk about, too little energy to stare at the PC screen for minutes longer. In short, the A's were over last December and so it's been the real genuine true holidays. There has been much relaxation, but that aside and more importantly, am in the process of finding a church community to settle in (it's high time now). This period of time has also been great catching up with dear family and ol' friends. With more time at hand to ponder over things at random and in random motion, I now realise and notice the many more blessings in my life which the Lord has endowed. I guess with regards to my faith there is still a lot to work on and learn about...

Will update again, slowly. Right now, am becoming a little wonky cranky. Time to turn in for the day to be ready for a brand new day of work. There are, after all, so many things to look forward to. For one thing, I am contented to be clothed and to have three meals everyday.

God Bless.

Stranded.

There have been countless instances when I felt like texting to a couple of people in my past who meant and still means a lot to me (I don't know about them)... just afraid I disturb their lives somehow. Yet, I long to hear from them... so much.

It's just two more months. I tell myself- I'm gonna make it, even though the road ahead isn't gonna be easy. I pray. I hope. I try to think positive. I keep reminding myself that He is in control; that He understands my everything; that He is with me to hold my hand and guide me; that my family is also there to support me; that the people who love and care for me believe that I can do it.

But. But. In spite of all these... the inside of me still screams... so loud that I can just tear in fear. Like, now.

Oh noou you perhaps won't understand how I feel even if you tried to.

Am hit to realisation.

Has been mad weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds. Not much time to stop and think properly. It's only slowly setting in to me that I am really IN for the A levels in a matter of months.

Ecclesiastes 5:18 really spoke to me recently. There's nothing more that I could ask for than what I already have in this short life of mine thus far. Am blessed... and all along it has been like that. I shall not complain, not matter how stressful it can be at times.

Till the next post, I'm going backstage again.

2009 April 09

Farewell, Project Work.

Goodbye, for good.

History, you have become.

Now and forevermore.

~

Thank God, so much. It was all worthwhile... everything - the late nights, slogging, shedding of much emotions.