Him. Life. Family. Friends. Music. Me.

new year; different feelings.

2011-01-10T01:11:00.000-08:00

Just suddenly had the inclination to blog, as though it was some sort of a craving that I had to satisfy. At my age now I start thinking if I am slowly growing out of the phase in life when blogging is the IN thing. Do you feel the same way?

There are much thoughts running in my mind, so I just felt like typing some out since I tend to express myself better through words, be they written or type-written.

Funny how it never fails to shake my conscience each time I sit through sermons on Sundays, sometimes even more so during BS that I can really break down and tremble. I'd reckon it is Thou working in me to mould me into what He wills me to be. The past year in LBPC has been a tremendous blessing - and really, now I begin to see more of the abundant blessings Thou has bestowed in this transcient life of mine, and many aspects of my life are more in perspective now. I can finally understand the significance of church-going and fellowship. YF Camp was a first for me, and considerably a blast... what a way to end off 2010. Sweet fellowship and conscience-provoking lessons are some of the apt descriptions of what I have experienced there.

Much change is needed in me, in my opinion. It does help a lot when I am taken out of my comfort zone and strongly encouraged to step out in order to move foreword. I feel there is truth that a prolonged period of non-communication between any two friends can actually distort both parties' perception of each other and cause distancing due to misinterpretation of each other's behaviour and the lack of personal communication. In general, often when I don't talk to some people whom I know, I tend to feel that the friendships may turn cold and stale, and in turn, I'll become overly self-conscious of the implications of my actions. Hmmm I don't know, am I making sense?

Maybe I am just tired right now, and not relying on Him enough recently.

Sometimes, I wonder, where is the sense in it.

2010-09-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

Of profanities and wildly imaginative thoughts... many times I shudder at such encounters around me. Then again, His Word never fails to prompt me and hit me...

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Matthew 7:1-5 (KJV)

... and so I try to figure out where they're coming from; what makes them the way they are; to get a fuller picture. For we're all humans alike, and we share similar tendencies. Oh, I pray - and keep me in prayer, please.

God Bless.

Eight months on...

2010-09-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

... and life is pretty much different from what it was last year. Praise be to Thou for His never ending grace and mercy, because there were a myriad of lessons learnt during the past months when it may have seemed to others that it was the time of my life after many years of formal education. It's kinda ironical how I feel that lessons picked up outside the school context seem to stick with me closer than textbook knowledge. Just this past week alone, there never had been so many verses from Thy word speaking to me as though someone was telling me straight in my face.

In summary of the past months...
Am giving thanks to Thou for finally understanding what it means by 'hard earned money' through various job stints. Had a handful of opportunities to spend time with the people dear to me. Perhaps the most blessed thing that happened to me this year was settling into church. I have learnt a lot, and there is still more to learn, but the real challenge is application. O for a closer walk with Him...

At present and in the foreseeable future, I picture myself diving into books and mugging, once again, for a greater part of the time.

God Bless.

And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, not foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

Ephesians 5:2-4 (KJV)

Open rebuke is better than secret love.

Proverbs 27:5 (KJV)

Blessings manifold.

2010-01-26T23:26:00.000-08:00

Again, I am embarrassed for not having updated since donkey months ago. Too much to talk about, too little energy to stare at the PC screen for minutes longer. In short, the A's were over last December and so it's been the real genuine true holidays. There has been much relaxation, but that aside and more importantly, am in the process of finding a church community to settle in (it's high time now). This period of time has also been great catching up with dear family and ol' friends. With more time at hand to ponder over things at random and in random motion, I now realise and notice the many more blessings in my life which the Lord has endowed. I guess with regards to my faith there is still a lot to work on and learn about...

Will update again, slowly. Right now, am becoming a little wonky cranky. Time to turn in for the day to be ready for a brand new day of work. There are, after all, so many things to look forward to. For one thing, I am contented to be clothed and to have three meals everyday.

God Bless.

Stranded.

2009-09-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

There have been countless instances when I felt like texting to a couple of people in my past who meant and still means a lot to me (I don't know about them)... just afraid I disturb their lives somehow. Yet, I long to hear from them... so much.

It's just two more months. I tell myself- I'm gonna make it, even though the road ahead isn't gonna be easy. I pray. I hope. I try to think positive. I keep reminding myself that He is in control; that He understands my everything; that He is with me to hold my hand and guide me; that my family is also there to support me; that the people who love and care for me believe that I can do it.

But. But. In spite of all these... the inside of me still screams... so loud that I can just tear in fear. Like, now.

Oh noou you perhaps won't understand how I feel even if you tried to.

Am hit to realisation.

2009-05-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

Has been mad weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds. Not much time to stop and think properly. It's only slowly setting in to me that I am really IN for the A levels in a matter of months.

Ecclesiastes 5:18 really spoke to me recently. There's nothing more that I could ask for than what I already have in this short life of mine thus far. Am blessed... and all along it has been like that. I shall not complain, not matter how stressful it can be at times.

Till the next post, I'm going backstage again.

2009 April 09

2009-04-12T23:54:00.000-07:00

Farewell, Project Work.

Goodbye, for good.

History, you have become.

Now and forevermore.

~

Thank God, so much. It was all worthwhile... everything - the late nights, slogging, shedding of much emotions.

Bared Soul.

2009-03-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

To pour my heart out and do some soul searching.

Bespectacled 8). And getting used to it B)

2009-03-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

The only kid in the house with a seemingly smarter look at night; when she's watching teevee (if she ever does); when she's at the computer or when she's working at her table.

Am still very amused at my fogged vision when I drink a hot beverage.

Don't you think that many a times when you think that something is not going to happen to you, it eventually does?

Then you'd probably have tHis look: O_O

Imagery. Imagination.

2009-02-24T23:11:00.000-08:00

On my most-listened list recently...

Yoko Kano - Kira Kira
Yoko Kano - Zero Hour
Yoko Kano - Innocent Green

It's the kind of music that stimulates me or triggers my mental imagery, to imagine what kind of scenario or story may suit the mood of the music (also referring to Sakamoto Ryuichi's Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence); the kind of music that would probably make me reflect on life at random- Panic At The Disco's Northern Downpour has this effect on me too to the max.

Sometimes I really feel that being human is really challenging... your birth into this world marks the beginning of a really important responsibility to shoulder...

2009 January 31

2009-02-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

Let's just say this is definitely a day to remember...

The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony

2009-01-31T00:10:00.000-08:00

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah,

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah

You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?

~

My current favourite :) thanks to bro MJ. I find much joy, delight and pleasure in listening to music. I can get hooked to any tune that stirs my heart. That's me. Others on my personal top of the charts:

Sakamoto Ryuichi - Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence
Yoko Kano - Replica
Paramore - Decode
Panic At The Disco - When The Day Met The Night
Panic At The Disco - Northern Downpour
Panic At The Disco - Mad As Rabbits

How blessed I feel to be able to hear - to enjoy captivating and beautiful sounds and music.

No words can describe the inner joy I have been feeling since the beginning of ouwnine. Only He can comprehend; He can understand :)

Mad rush of college life in year two is setting in. I'm game for it - thanks to Him, my engine's running, and there's the driving force.

"Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other."

Psalms 85:10

Go with the flow.

2009-01-22T03:30:00.000-08:00

First week of school started out as Term One Week Two. Day One was perhaps the most nerve-racking day I have ever had in my entire life. Was literally hAnging in between being a student in year one and in year two. The greatest beginning the Lord has endowed me with was to advance to year two through LUEs. Thank God and thank you so very much to everyone who prayed for me; supported me (especially my family- my parents); encouraged me; helped me; and wished me well. It's a blessing, a true blessing, not just to have advanced, but to have advanced knowing that there's a whole bunch of people behind you, besides Him. Real fortunate that the three of us in class made it. No words can describe how nervous and anxious I was when sitting with all other LUE candidates in the CC after morning assembly (and all the welcoming back to school ceremony). Clutched my bag so tight that I could squeeze the living daylights outta it. Pulse rate accelerated as though it could jump outta me. This feeling - this stress - of going through the whole process of LUE is here to stay, and not to be forgotten.

For one thing, life is noticeably different, as much as it seems like it's ceteris paribus. 08S11 will never be the same again - 24 heads down to a mere seventeen. Imagine that. Don't you think that as we grow up, life becomes more transient than ever? The 24-strong 08S11 was only there to last for ouweight - how valuable is our class photo then. There're pretty cool tutors for us for ouwnine - thank God, because I feel more secure and assured of my college education. Many changes in life for ouwnine... the obvious is definitely not having to do PW anymore (at least till the results are out to confirm if we make it or break it). Another is a different system of timetables, one for the odd week and another for the even. It's hectic, and just when sometimes I think that having days with a 5.30pm dismissal is fun, I start having second thoughts the moment I head for home on those days itself. But I know He is there to see me through it all. I may be going through the motions of college life like in ouweight, and going with the flow of things, for the sake of doing and having to do it... but unlike last year, I have a much clearer idea at present of where I am heading to, what I want, what I can wait for, and what should be my topmost priorities.

Some highlights of my first week back at school:

January 13, Tuesday
Mrs A.T. surprised the class shortly after she had stepped into the tutorial room with a "All right class, I have set up a blog!" and almost instantaneously, everyone burst into laughter because it was just SO unexpected. We were literally like "O___O?? Serious?? xD". And when asked if the blog was blogspot or what nots, Mrs A.T. replied a "I cannot remember now, I must go and check." -___- xD!

January 15, Thursday
My wonderful classmate Yv happily and randomly commented that I had a face suitable for the name of John (or however you spell it), before changing her mind to Matthew instead. O___________O Hence we delved into the topic of guy names. And she felt that the name Brendon suited cute guys only, lol (LW, read this!). Then came the bEst part - she said I had a unisex face! T_____________T !!! How in the world >__<. By His will, I am born FEMALE.

January 16, Friday
Lovely shopping time with parents at IMM after school. Was kinda a form of celebration since Mom threw in the towel that day. Bought new bedsheet, and so now when I turn in each night, I look like I am diving into my own aquarium. Me likes.

January 17, Saturday
Shopping spree continued, this time with LW the entire day at Jurong Point (JP). Was a very enjoyable time of catching up with her for the week and commenting on each other after emerging from fitting rooms in different clothes and all. The auntie-ness in us just came all out, lol. You could check out and explore the current bigger JP when possible :) it offers quite a refreshing experience of retail therapy. Am currently into dresses, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have never worn them for most of my life so far except when there are weddings to attend. Bought two, from the most unexpected of places :) ha. One blue denim dress and another half brown half cream-coloured dress... okay I don't know how to describe them well. I have become two dresses and two pairs of shoes richer ever since :D many thanks to sponsorship from parents xD. Looking very much forward to Chinese New Year ^_^. It's fun (well, at least to me) to be trying new things and finding the look that suits you and your liking best :).
~

Guess I have written enough. I should be sleeping now but just dozed off earlier in the night for 4 mighty long hours in my "aquarium". Taking the backstage, and till next time, Happy Lunar New Year in advance :).

Xin1 Nian2 Kuai4 Le
Nian2 Nian2 You3 Yu2
Xin1 Xiang3 Shi4 Cheng2
Shen1 Ti3 Jian4 Kang1
Shen1 Huo2 Yu2 Kuai4 ! Gong1 Xi3 Gong1 Xi3 :)!

God Bless.

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens."

Psalms 67:19

New Perspectives.

2009-01-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

Eight days into this new year and my first post for ouwnine.

It is only about now that I start to feel that I am on a real school holiday. The 6th marked this special day of liberation from being over and done with LUE. Thank God - so much - for having pulled me through this crucial stage. It's just the results that awaits me (or me awaiting the results?). Gonna be back to school in a mere few days... while I wish that the holidays and the delight from having real holidays could last forever, it's wonderful to be seeing friends again after like, eight weeks away from each other.

2008 has been one heck of a year, and to me, it's mainly characterized as a mad rush all the way. The Lord has been really kind to me for having put me through so much - that difficult transition from one college to the other, many new friends into my life (PJC OG3, PJC 08S05 and Chatter Five!, PJC SCAP 08, SAJC OG15 part, SAJC 08S11, SAJCPS), fun, laughter, slogging, sweat, tears, neuro-activity, busy-ness, responsibilities, exhaustion... the list goes on. I could take forever to recount everything in detail. Although there were quite a number of trying periods, I still thank Him for everything He has placed in my life because I really wouldn't be what I am now if not for His guidance. His continual guidance is all I ask for... no new year resolutions though. For one thing, life seems to be in better order for ouwnine - ouweight seemed a bit fragmented due to the transition from PAE to JAE. But no complaints :).

The year-end break may have seemed boring with all the mugging for LUE and the constant thought at the back of my mind that "LUE is coming. It's coming much faster than you think, there ain't that many days left of honeymoon holiday." But staying home for much of the time has led me to realise how important family support was to me, and how special my family is. I have also come to understand why my parents do everything they have done for me. Daang, I could cry, for I don't know what reason. Sometimes the most difficult love to confess is to those who are so near you or so close to your heart that when you see them you just feel like blurting out how much they mean to you, yet, it takes so much courage, you don't dare to do it, so you just watch them alive and in front of your face.

Studying for most of the holiday might have had side effects on me, because I seldom went out to interact with people and now when I speak, I sometimes do not make sense -___-. But my time in solitude has triggered me to think more about life, love (not BGR, yet T_T) and friendship. Leading the life that I am leading now is my lot given by Him, and really, there's nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work (Ecclesiastes 3:22). Glad that I was able to catch up and maintain contact with friends from everywhere in my past, but Christmas Plan 2008 was somewhat a disaster for me... it just didn't feel quite right that I only met half my intended quota T__T. Nevermind, I'm gonna make this year's better.

Loose ends tied. Inner feelings sorted out. Life seems to be more purposeful and directional to me now.

I feel... blissful. And much happier (",).

ALL HAIL 2009. I don't care if it's already the eighth day. It's still the beginning :).

Corrine May - On The Side Of Me

2008-12-03T01:56:00.000-08:00

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
But you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me

~

My current favourite from the compilation, Beautiful Songs by Warner Music Singapore, I think. Recommennded :).

Sense of Achievement...

2008-11-18T03:28:00.000-08:00

because, it has been slightly more than one week since I last used the Internet... contrary to my using it practically every other day before the holidays kicked in. Can't imagine how I survived. Thank God. Using it right now is so much of a treat. Have been doing all that I wanted and needed to do- four hours, it took.

Cheers to myself B)

Logging off soon. And it's probably going to be another week backstage.

2008 November 12 - Chatter Five Reunion.

2008-11-18T03:18:00.000-08:00

Finally, we have a get-together as a complete five, since our last when PAE ended in February. Sounds pathetic. Not that we've never met since JAE started, it's just that our meeting-ups before this day had been in twos, threes and fours. How precious the company of everyone was to me this evening. Had our fair share of laughter before, during and after dinner :). Totally didn't feel like going home that night (but I did, eventually).

Ooh how I'd love to meet up again!

Hopefully during Christmas :). Whee.

2008 November 10

2008-11-18T03:09:00.000-08:00

Finally wrapped up our GPF - boy it was pretty tedious. Well done, SA091! It is indeed farewell to Project Work. Oh, how I wait in anticipation for our results next year :X.

When I see IKEA now, I am reminded of my group's project and how much we stressed, slogged and lost sleep over it. Everything was worth the while, because my group's a blessing from Him up there.

Ingvar Kamprad, you're one person I'll remember.

Would be great if I could meet him one day!

Truly, madly, deeply...

2008-11-05T00:03:00.000-08:00

liberated; set free; released. How refreshing. I can feel - with much less worries than during the academic term - the warmth of the sunshine; the wind; the air; the rain; the pleasing effect of the sun shining on grass and trees; the love around; and the assuring presence of family. Plus, there is finally more time than ever to reflect on life in the past eight months after JAE, which gradually seems more like a dream to me. Feels more human now, after all the race and madness. Thank God.

I cannot be happy just as yet though.

Last lap.

2008-11-03T17:31:00.000-08:00

Finally done with OP today. Totally calls for a celebration. Only left with the final lap of I&R submission on the 6th and assembly of the GPF on the 10th.

After which, that marks the end of the journey with Project Work and bye bye to it until the results for it comes out next year. No more late nights of mad rush on the computer (which I can become married to T_T) to meet so many deadlines in so many stages of our sheme of work.

What a feat. Many many many sighs of relief. SA091 has indeed been a blessing from God to me. On one hand, about journeys, we selected one and proposed one. On the other hand, working together has been our own journey by itself. Congratulations Y, XY and BX - it's quite something that we made it this far.

I need...

2008-11-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

... to pour my heart out to Him and some people. To maintain my rationality and perhaps sanity; to prevent my imagination from running wild.

I can expect what's likely to come.

Just very glad to know that the people in my life who matter to me are there.

Taking the backstage, and it may be long.

Haven't tuned to the fact that 2008 is coming to a close in less than 60 days.

"So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?"

Ecclesiastes 3:22

An emotional stir.

2008-10-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

I needn't say more. Have never felt like this before.

Person In Life 7

2008-10-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

Is it me or is it you. It could well just lie with the both of us. That's square enough. I feel the pain, and I can tell that so do you. Whether is it pain in the a**, I don't know. Pain in the heart- that's for sure.

Avalanche.

2008-10-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

October 16 awaits me. To unleash its snowball effect of... results. All will be known only on this day. No more; no less. No earlier; no later. Thankfully there's been notification of this impending phenomenon. I pray.

And, before the clock strikes to announce the arrival of a new day,

Happy Birthday Greasemonkey!

It's special how we could all celebrate on this little red dot after a couple of previous ones overseas :). Thank God.

For now, I really need my beauty sleep T_T

PW madness.

2008-10-08T01:22:00.000-07:00

The intensity was indeed what I had expected. And I have only passed day two - three to go. Deadlines, deadlines and more deadlines. Brainstorm, brainstorm and more brainstorming. Tension, tension and more tension. No less. Just thankful to have made it this far, thanks to His grace.

I am experiencing - for an unexplainable reason - feelings of the down all of a sudden. Stressed, depressed, fearful, flustered, short-tempered, sensitive... you name it. Don't talk about sleep. Eating? It's always a lot, much to the extent I feel disgusted with myself when I'm apparently actually having a bigger-than-usual appetite. My thoughts wonder into the wilderness and darkness.

I'm curious to find out how's everyone else taking PW coping out there.

Saved.

2008-10-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

Thank God I survived since Thursday night. Had wanted to skip school last Friday but it was the deadline for submission of the final EoM draft... quite glad I went because bowling with the class in the afternoon was much fun- I finally know how to bowl properly. So my next visit to the bowling alley wouldn't be a session of anyhow or lucky throws anymore. Don't play play, now got skill one okay! The bowling lesson was part of our PE enrichment and was fully paid for by the college. Cool beans. Other classes were alloted different activities such as water soccer, ice-skating, go-karting, archery, roller blading etc. :)

Many thanks to SH and both LSYs who took care of me to ensure I could hold out all through Friday :). Paid a visit to the Doc's straight after reaching home from bowling. Perhaps next time I should not be so stubborn as to force myself to hold out when I'm evidently on the verge of breaking down. How ironical that I was joking about turning virulent on Monday before Biology and then the flu virus really came finding me by Thursday night. After rounds of medication and numerous hours of sleep, I'm back in shape now, more or less - refreshed and recovered. Nose ain't runny like the tap already. There's always this feeling of renewal each time I am recovering from fever and/or flu which makes me feel like a brand new person altogether. The sunny weather today offered some cheer and warmed me from inside (",).

Just relieved that i'm physically ready for the coming PW week and all that lies ahead till November. Hope I'm mentally and emotionally prepared too. I presume it's going to be one heck of a ride, starting from tomorrow... might take the backstage soon.

"God does all these things to a man - twice, even three times - to turn back his soul from the pit, that the light of life may shine on him." Job 33:29-30

Take #one, take #two, now take #three.

2008-10-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

The flu bug has officially awarded me the champion for possibly a third time this year. Am feeling the symptoms, agAin T_T. Dry throat, fatigue and headache. Someone save me. Oh could He save me. I might have over-exerted myself during the fortnight leading to Promotionals, and now after the onset of exhaustion, it all seems like taking it's toll on me. Nono I cannot be down for this period of time, as PW madness kicks in. There is so much that needs to be done, not just for this A level subject. There is much more that I intend to do, now that it's post-exams.

Feels utterly uncomfortable now. Bleh.

"... ... Who then can understand the thunder of His Power?" Job 26:14

A race ran.

2008-09-29T19:21:00.000-07:00

Back after almost a two-month long hiatus. It has been mad days and tiring weeks of setting off before sunrise and crawling back home at or after sunset. The individual and personal race of Promotionals has been run, and I can be sure that it's been a better prepared journey than CTs, thanks to Him granting me the strength and peace to make it through.

Was finally free like the wind at 1050 today. I can be sure I sang the Biology anthem this morning, turned virulent and mutated from the temperate phage- the temperamental phage. Exhaustion finally kicked in to me via a wave in my head that felt like my world was going to spin like nuts for a split second. Thanks to Greasemonkey's personal blend of coffee caffeine punch yesterday noon, I could sustain throughout the entire day of revision without any nap and my brain capacity was simply the spongiest ever.

Thank God. I made it through in one piece- at least the stage of attempting the papers in the exam.

For the time being till the results and the impending onset of PW madness, there is much to look forward to :).

Ultimate chill-out time.

Pity the marginal satisfaction derived from eating cannot be as maximal as before due to the milk scare- made me realise that there's such a large market of milk-related goods O_O.

The Afters - Tonight

2008-07-31T00:49:00.000-07:00

Time after time I'm reminded that I fall apart
When I run away from you
Even when every mistake
Leaves me broken and bruised
I can hold on to you

Tonight, tonight we're gonna put it all, put it all behind
Tonight, tonight we're gonna make it all, make it alright
We'll be who we want to be tonight

Why do I feel like a space
That just waits to be filled
Looking for something new
When ours is love that is already perfect and I know I belong to you

Tonight, tonight we're gonna put it all, put it all behind
Tonight, tonight we're gonna make it all, make it alright
We'll be who we want to be tonight

When tomorrow comes we're gonna feel alive
Somehow forget about the tears we cried
There's so much more we have to gain than we could ever lose

Tonight, tonight we're gonna put it all, put it all behind
Tonight, tonight we're gonna make it all, make it alright
We'll be who we want to be tonight

~

Another of my favourite songs.

Unconvinced of the worldly systems.

2008-07-19T23:11:00.000-07:00

Contradiction and controversy are perhaps the only things I sense around, at present.

My heart is in knots. Many of them.

I pray for enlightenment.

Oh Lord...

~

I am going backstage. For now, this blog is to hibernation again.

Cold.

2008-07-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

Feels distant from others around me... could I have irritated or diappointed or got on their nerves?...

Change of weather, suddenly.

Mighty morphing from cheesepuffmunky.

2008-06-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

Decided on change, due to recent inspiration. Wanted a different url to replace cheesepuffmunky, yet with everything else about the blog intact.

http://cheesepuffmunky.blogspot.com

has officially morphed into

http://backstageandupfront.blogspot.com.

And so here it is- welcome :)

~

Enjoyed the TV premiere of The Chronicles of Narnia- The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe yesterday evening much to the extent I almost forgot that there is school to go to this morning O_O. Totally enjoyed the long weekend with much quality time with family :).

~

And, thanks to T for recommending this verse to me.

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

Micah 6:8

Truly happy.

2008-06-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

Today is perhaps the most relaxing Saturday of my life. Though nothing very extravagant or exciting was done, the outing with Greasemonkey at IMM was enough to make me contented. Had to scout for a new printer to replace the current and evidently cranky one before it dies like the old computer did. Were all over the place: he did a printer hunting and price comparison while I shopped for groceries.

We haven't went out together in weeks and today he taught me much after having gone through some leadership course at work. Was insightful and thought-provoking. Did chat quite a bit too. Hanging out with the Greasemonkey is always fun and interesting :). We make a good team :D.

Somehow felt more warmth than I ever did from the family during lunch back at home. Then we swapped the old pc monitor with the new one delivered today - so now the new pc has the matching monitor, and using it feels more like watching a wide screen television. Cool beans.

Another beautiful sunny day today. Hot weather, but it's warm to the skin and heart. May this feeling of true happiness not be shortlived... A pity that Greasemonkey flies next Monday :(.

I thank Him up there for the people and the good times.

Relieved, somewhat.

2008-06-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

CTs are finally over and done with - thank Him for bringing me through. So there is some reason to unwind, and catch up with my hobbies. Haven't taken any new photographs on a proper camera (besides those few for the college in the call of duty, and those with the Sony Ericsson) in months since the old computer (which eventually died) was gradually flooded with too much data for its own good. With the arrival of a new machine, I can start playing with the cameo and nature again.

Somehow, there isn't the feeling of complete relief after the bouts of stress and (adequate?) revision. Should just keep trying in academics than to swim in pessimism... ...

Looking back, it has already been more than half a year since graduation from NH, and one-third of a year since leaving Pioneer. Can't quite believe it, time just whizzes by. Missing the harp though, as well as the wedding (performing) group. Feels funny being out of performing arts after four mighty memorable years. Thankfully, there's still the piano to doodle with and make up new tunes with.

Don't think that all of the above contitutes my inspiration to blog. More like being random, I guess.

This morning is filled with much lovely sunshine and tranquility.

And so peaceful and calm is my heart.

The Afters - Never Going Back to OK

2008-06-18T00:30:00.000-07:00

It's not the end
But it feels like it is
I'm waking up
Like I'm back from the dead
I'm stepping out
And I feel so afraid
But as long as I'm moving it's all right

I feel alive
And it hurts for a change
And looking back and it's hard to believe
That I was cool
With the days that I wasted complacent and tasteless and bored but
That was yesterday

We're never going back to OK
We're never going back to easy
We're never going back to the way it was
We're never going back to OK

This discontent
Like a slap in the face
Of mediocre
I've had enough of this place
This party's over
And I'm moving away from the frills of you Beverly Hills but that was yesterday

We're never going back to OK
We're never going back to easy
We're never going back to the way it was
We're never going back to OK

We're here to stay
This is our time
Our only life
Our chance to live

We're never going back to OK
We're never going back to easy
We're never going back to the way it was
We're never going back to OK

~

Find that I can relate to this song to my life right now. Am very into the most recent album by The Afters. Thanks to Greasemonkey's sponsorship of the CD :D. Highly recommended. I especially like the photography of the album cover. Hey reader, you could check it out at their webbie.

June 23 to 26, please come.

Till inspiration comes.

2008-05-01T16:58:00.000-07:00

I hereby announce the temporary hibernation of my blog, due to many reasons.

With love ,to readers of my blog whom I may have: take care and God Bless you.

I will be back.

Worn out. Back to basics.

2008-04-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

Now, with the arrival of every Monday, the coming Friday is increasingly yearned for. Everyday after school, the basics in life such as food (oh glorious food!), a bath (to render me squeaky clean), and sleep are enough to make me contented.

So worn out. Yet it seems that insufficient effort is being invested.

May it all be committed to Him up there.

Going green!

2008-04-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

Finally bought my new bag yesterday after school at JP with the company of LW ^_^. Happy! My previous three-shades-of-green Urban sling gave up on me after using it for only a month since the day of purchase :(. I guess I had overloaded it, which could have been the likely cause for its overuse injury X_X. Also, my current red sling seems somewhat inadequate for me to stuff stuff stuff everything so that my hands can be free from carrying files, which I've been doing throughout Secondary School -_-.

This time, mine's a High Sierra bag pack, and green again! Heh. The colour is somewhat a light olive green. Whee. Had been thinking about this bag since having seen it about a month ago at Sports Connection :D as though I was infatuated with it, much to an extent I was so excited about it I hAd to see it on Thursday after school- thanks SY for her company that late afternoon ^_^.

Yay. And recently I have an unexplainable craving for veg. Yes that's right, vegetables :P!!

I am pretty much going and growing green...

Full of surprises.

2008-04-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

Thinking of my past,

At C C Kindergarten, I had never thought there was going to be a chapter of my life spent in HP.

At Primary School, I had never thought there was going to be a chapter of my life in NH.

At Secondary School, I had never thought there was going to be a chapter of my life in SA.

These just left me to realise that His plan for me is full of surprises.

Really seventeen.

2008-03-26T23:49:00.000-07:00

Feels somewhat old xD. But, I explore more wonders of this universe!

I thank Him up there and my parents for having brought me to this world seventeen years ago.

Life, is such an amazing process :)).

To learn to walk with Him faithfully, is all I wish for on this special day.

Happy Seventeenth Birthday to Theodore, Jolin, Imma and Vidya as well :D.

Many many thanks to all who had sent greetings via sms or called or bought/made me a gift, especially to Chatter Five, 08S11, and WT!

I miss my brothers though.

Seventeen.

2008-03-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

Now is the night before I turn seventeen. This special day of mine that's coming in less than two hours time would is most likely be low profile and spent quietly...

It's okay.

Even if few remember, as long as He knows, then that is all that matters to me.

Catch my breath. Catch enough sleep.

2008-03-09T17:33:00.000-07:00

Finally, the much awaited term break has arrived.

Even then, the coming week's quite packed with a couple of lectures and an enrichment trip -_-.

Thankfully, there are outings, performances and catching up with friends to add some bling to this holiday :D.

I would be contented if He could refresh me for the new term.

Terror. Bewilderment. Uncertainty. Worry. Fear. Concern. No ease.

2008-02-29T19:11:00.000-08:00

The threat is now so real,

so unexpected,

and,

so near.

X_X

May God be with us all.

Shift happens.

2008-02-27T18:11:00.000-08:00

I guess I am feeling a very gradual increase in my sense of belonging towards SA.

So very slowly. Steadily.

However, I am definitely glad and tremendously thankful for having had the chance to be part of Pioneer!! Have been allocated my civics group (CG) and subject combination today- time to adapt to yet another new group of people. Was fortunate to have two SA classmates previously from NH, and to have got my preferred choice of subjects :). And, for a first time in my life, I enrol into a school that has the House system.

This sounds prosperous and oriental- LoyFatt xD!

The pressure of academics is setting in already. This is healthy. Somehow (",).

Where the heart still lies.

2008-02-22T19:39:00.000-08:00

I miss Pioneer.

And Chatter Five.

Very, very much...

But I am unable to transfer back for obvious compelling reasons- uproars...

*heartache*

Ouch.

JAE posting.

2008-02-19T09:49:00.000-08:00

Fell into an especially deep sleep early last night X_X and the sms text about posting results came at such a kuku nut timing early this morning- 6.18am O_o. I was jolted up!

Now I think I understand why I feel the way I felt yesterday.

Somewhat in relief at the moment.

The posting result was one I had never thought would happen.

But it's okay, it's fine. I am going for it :).

I take it that it is set for me to go there.

Thank Him up there for bringing me through to this day!

And for having made my stay in PJC a fun, enjoyable, and memorable one.

Also, many thanks (in no order of merit) to:

Jamie. De Jin. Xiu Han. Regina. Melissa. Caroline. Jaya. Shuyi. Silin. Deng Hao. Sujah. Si Jia. Qiu Yan. Shazni. Assyaraf. Russell. Kannan. Edwin. Kenneth. Zi Yang. Anthony. Jun Kang. Chor Chuan | Rekha. Yuhui. Sarah. Xuan Yi. Valentina. Li Juan. Yogeswari. Shi Man. Wenna. Ting Min. Purnima. Si Hui. Pau Xian. Yixin. Darren. Rui Yong. Sherry. Eshwaree. Iznina. Andrea. Christopher. Zhi Wei | Ciau Er. Pei Qi. Priscilla. Yang Yi. Rest of 8th SC. Ke Xuan. Jia Min. Wing Loon | Annabel. Yu Bin. Jonathan.

:)

I will miss PJC and all the people - whom He had introduced into my life while studying there- very much >_<.

My stay during PAE - sealed into memory.

2008-02-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

Time flies too remarkably. Today does not seem at all like a final day of Provisionals to me... and it's thoroughly strange that I ain't experiencing mixed feelings. Somehow, I feel as though I can just let go of this sense of belonging I have developed towards PJC after the past one and a half months, as though fully ready for a fresh start somewhere else.

Is it all in His plan that I feel this way?

Where would He plan for me to go next?

I pray. Oh so much.

February Nineteenth is finally coming in a matter of hours to unfold reality.

Simultaneous.

2008-02-16T11:04:00.000-08:00

It feels extremely awkward,

and it hurts somewhat,

to be at somewhere else instead,

and not at some place and event where you know you are able to go;

because of

just one reason that totally stopped you...

...

I pray.

Auspicious red.

2008-02-07T22:09:00.000-08:00

This festive season has sure cheered and is cheering me up significantly. And it's only day one :).

Good company of family and relatives :). And of course, the flowing prosperity in terms moolah $_$ and um, weight :P.

Thankfully I can bite CNY goodies like this ^_^.

Traffic conditions were amazing- the increasing car population is reaching limits, apparently X_X. Reconsidering my choice of owning a car in future... what will be of the roads then?

I thank Him up there for the good times :)

Lunar New Year Eve

2008-02-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

CNY celebration in the morning at school was a more unusual one then those I've been to in the past decade- besides performances by the Chinese Orchestra, Choir, Tamil Language Society, Malay Cultural Society and Dance Society, there were interesting ones like the presentation of the wedding photos of teachers in PJC, as well as the Pioneer MTV xD. Definitely amusing and memorable :) I guess everyone in the hall had a good laugh at some point during the concert :)). Perhaps the best things about the day were the smart casual dress code for the occasion and that all Pioneers were dismissed by 10am B) and there were absolutely nO lessons for the day xD. How fortunate- haven't had a day like this in the past four years. The Chatter Five (YH, S, XY, Me and R) synchronised to the tune of a black top and jeans each- seems inauspicious but we appeared striking enough to have fun xD.

I can't help but wonder- could this be my first and last chance to experience CNY celebrations at PJC?...

Visited NH with A, J, TM and YY right after school. Great to catch up with some of the teachers, as well as classmate-friends like WT :). A pity there could not be an outing with the wedding (performing) group.

Of course, there was the family reunion dinner in the evening. Steamboat cum hotplate ^_^! Seriously, I have not had such a delicious meal in weeks X_X so I enjoyed it to the max. Greasemonkey mentioned earlier that the streets and shopping malls were pretty much deserted, and that it was a good sign. Thinking of it, it is indeed a heartwarming sign- everyone going back home to spend quality time with family members over a hearty meal ^_^ that's a warm side of the people on the land I live in :). After dinner was a game or two of Halo 3 with brothers xD. Whee. How relaxing.

I wish I could touch this only thing that cheers me up when I am alone. It is all right- getting to see it and feel it's warmth is perhaps as good.

Oh lovely food! And lovely people :D.

I thank Him up there for all the good times :).

No ease.

2008-02-03T19:01:00.000-08:00

19012008 PJCOG3@ECP

I need to see, some light...

I pray- hopefully the right way.

Life has become a tad gloomy recently.

A couple of things, much uncertainty and tension.

Maybe the get together with relatives this Chinese New Year, and becoming slightly more prosperous after that may cheer me up some bit.

February 19, please come.

Microorganisms.

2008-01-25T13:31:00.000-08:00

The above ingredient amused me- lactobacillus the bacteria! I never knew that I was drinking that in Vitagen...

GCE O level Biology students- alert! xD -_-

Release of results of the Os.

2008-01-24T22:17:00.000-08:00

Finally, I made it through this hurdle. This chapter comes to a neat close on this symbolic day. Thanks so very much to Him up there. And to my family, and to everyone in my life.

Very proud of 401'07 because the top student and many outstanding candidates (not me) of NH for the 2007 Os came from this beloved class of mine :D.

I pray hard about my next step from here...

Time before the release.

2008-01-24T00:15:00.000-08:00

Three weeks of the new academic year have passed, and I have to admit, I have been enjoying myself very much and having fun in college :). I feel truly blessed to have met the people who are my new friends now :D. I love OG03 and 08S05!!! Orientation One, mass dance, fun dance, "Pioneer ichiban", "Pioneer in the house", ice kachang song, dinner and dance, CCA trials, SCAP, lectures, tutorials, Good News Cafe, potluck, 19012008 OG outing at East Coast Park... whee :D! I thank Him up there for having given me an exciting start to this year :)!

Today is the day, and it is quite disturbing that I am not feeling a tad nervous right now when I should be, given the nature of myself. I am just a few hours and a few hundred walls away from my result slip O_o! I would think that right now, at this moment; at this hour; at this minute; there would be sec fours (of year 2007) feeling nervous / anxious / excited / worried to some extent. The wait for the time of 14 00 is pretty much unbearable. The results for the Os will definitely be the deciding factor of my life. I pray hard.

Ouuw... I cannot bear to separate from the new friends I have made in college during the Provisional Admission when the Joint Admission Exercise (JAE) posting results are out... D: >_< :'(

Oh dingdong. It has been three weeks and I feel as though I have tonnes to say but now I just do not seem to have that inspiration for long posts X_X.

Anyway, to all sec fours of year 2007 out there, especially those in NH 401'07 and NHSC and PJC OG03 and PJC 08S05: I wish you all the very supreme ultimate best for your GCE O level results to be released. May you be mentally prepared enough for whatever the outcome may be. God Bless.

Below are some of my favourite photographs taken :)...

PJC Orientation One theme.

I just love this shirt. Among all shirts I have, this has the most awesome picture ever printed, in my opinion :). What beautiful photography (of the picture chosen for this shirt) :D!

18012008 Post Orientation One Potluck. It's the time to DISCO xD!

Thanks for the memories.

2008-01-01T15:58:00.000-08:00

Year 2008 is here. For the past four years of my life (from 2004 till end of 2007), I would like to express my hearfelt thanks to:

Him up there

Since two years ago, I have learnt more about this way of life, about You and your Son, and about life. You understand my everything, and I feel that with Your guidance, You provide the light to my life that leads me the correct way. I would want to continue learning, and eventually mature spiritually. I am thankful that You have allowed me to cross paths with all the people (I am going to mention) in the list below.

[then, in no order of merit]

Annabel. Cecilina. Serene. Zhi Yun. Cindy. Andaline. Melinda. ShiHui. Jasmine Lynn. Ting Min. Justine. Hui Yu. Li Wen. Wen Xin. Lei Hoi. Wan Ying. Jasmine Lim. Ziqin. Wan Ting. Adelaine. Li Ya. Josie. Bo Rui. Nathania. Pei Ying. Grace. Aaron. Aswin. Bright. Li Xuan. Jun Jie. Yong Chang Jing Xuan. Wei Jie. Keng Yang. Ming Liang. Letts. Ke Rong. Jasper. Theodore. Yu Ming.

Yining. Timotheus. Cynthia. Chrysan. Abigail. Sabrina. Alyssa. [plus the rest of class 112 of year 2005].

Joanna. Jeslyn. Melissa Chan. Lynn. Xin Jie. Xin Hua. Dawn. Christina Liew. Kuo Lyn. Yi Ming. Zi Ting. Kiat Boon. Wei Zhong. Hui Yong. Issac. Chun Kiat. Mr Aurelius Yeo.

Jeanette. Yi Hui. Jie Heng. Bervyn. Justin. Yu Hong. Shou Jun. Te Fu. Jeremy. Mei Ying. Ivy. Emily. Boon Yang. Enna. Xuan Xin. Constance. Wan Yu. Kia Ngee. Hui Yi. Wan Qing. Felicia. Diana. Melissa Foo. Rutian. Jia Yi. Fang Qi. Leticia. Shu Yi.

Shu Ning. Jolene. Yi Jie. Sarah. Jun Qi. Zhi Qing. Joanne. Qian Yu. Ming Ying. Terri. Elaine. Lynette Quek. Claudia Ta. Sharmaine. Si Hua. Grace. Yixin. Christina. Huey Jia. Therese. Mei Kwan. Wei Ning. Yan Zhen. Claudia Leong. Rachel. Jing Wen. Jing Yi. Ms Magdalene Wong.

Si Ian. Joyce Chee. Teng Teng. Felice. Kah Swee. Yao Zhong. Meng Hua. Kay Wee. Hui Shan. Vivian. Shu Xuan. Russell. Nick. Michelle. Lynette Tang. Shaun Quek. Nicholas. Casandra. Ji Peng. Yi Qi. Jia Jing. Claressa. Clovis. Eng Ping. Qiu Yan. Bing Rong. Kegan. [plus rest of the 12th, 13th, 14th and 15th Student Council].

Darren. Abraham. Benjamin Long.

The canteen vendors. The bookshop auntie. The school cleaners. The school management.

Mr Daniel Chow. Mdm Noridah. Mrs Tan Hwee Theng. Ms Teo Huang Khoon. Mr Edmund Ng. Mrs Tan Wei Sein. Mdm Surin. Ms Loke Pui Yin. Ms Jesse Lim. Mrs Siew Fei Min. Mr See Sin Hon. Ms Yvonne Lim. Mr Peter Tan. Mr Peh Teow Peng. Mdm Sia. Mdm Vidya. Ms Ng Ching Ting. Mrs Raja. Ms Choy Jun Nee. Ms Jenny Ng Poh Leng. Mrs Rachel Seng. Mr Khan. Mr Desmond Chee. Mr Adrian Chng. Ms Eileen Saw. Mrs Bernadette Lim. Mrs Lim Lye Sim. Ms Usha Wassan. Coach Shaun. Coach Jay.

:D

It does not matter how long I have been your student. It does not matter how frequently I have worked together with you. It does not matter the scale and frequency of the encounter(s) I have had with you. It does not matter how much or little I have talked and communicated with you. It does not matter how casual or deep my friendship is with you. I want to thank Him for letting you enter my life; for leaving your footprints in my life; for letting you make a difference to some extent in my life. [Sincerely sorry if I have missed out any names!]

Of course, I thank my family (Greasemonkey, read this :D) as well for always being there to advice me and support me financially and emotionally.

I do not know when I will get the chance and inspiration to blog again. Life at college starts tomorrow. I am looking quite forward to it, yet I know I will be overwhelmed with nervousness when the time comes. Because I am nervous now. I pray. The hustle and bustle of schooling will gradually return, and everyone and everyone else will be busier than ever, I presume.

May God Bless everybody with good health, love, peace, joy, happiness, fulfillment, excitement and rewards from work, this year and always :).

What will be of us ten years down the road...?

" A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Proverbs 18:24 (NIV)

Nice when it lasted: this four-year chapter.

2007-12-31T08:43:00.000-08:00

It is that time of the year again, when you may chuck the past behind you, welcome the new year with much zeal, and resolve to start things on the right note. Time just whizzes by at such amazing speed- it is the last day of year 2007. Gulp. Somehow, I want neither this period of real holidays nor this phase of Secondary school life to end. My stay in NH was probably the best thing that ever happened in my life by far. A worthy stay that was attributed to the many people in there; a stay whereby many of our paths crossed and intertwined; a stay during which I was put through more than I had ever been experiencing. For everything that has happened, I thank Him up there that it all had happened.

A new chapter of my life awaits me; kind of a new dimension. Somehow I want to jump into it quickly, to find out what is in store for me. Yet, I feel much comfort in the way I am living right now. I probably have had enough or more than enough rest, relaxation and enjoyment since November 13, when I was literally like a bird freed from captivity. Time was spent on my daily bible reading, general reading, picture collection, food receipe collection, newspaper cuttings collection, stamps collection, family, Halo 3 on xbox with brothers and cousin ATKK xD, more outings than I have ever gone during school terms, the Szpojnarowiczs kids next door 8), cycling with new bike :D (!!), and my Christmas plan :) through which I broke my previous year's record. Good things that have come, just have to go as well.

My life has changed, or rather, is changing significantly, since having had some new additions this holiday. Firstly, was the start to go church :), thanks to Him, Ces, T and YJ. Christmas this year was special- it was my first Christmas evening spent at church (that YJ goes to), which had service totally in Chinese language (!). Thank Him I could comprehend practically all that was said throughout. Am glad to have finally understood the real meaning of Christmas :). Secondly, was the decision to install braces on my teeth. Initially, the plan was to have braces for about two years followed by orthognathic surgery, whereby my lower jaw bone would be cut in order for my jaw to be shifted inwards. Now, the plan has been changed to just braces, with the need for neither tooth extraction nor orthognathic surgery to take place. Through either plan, I can gain confidence in giving toothy smiles in time to come :))!

Having typed this much, I now kinda look forward to the future.

" A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."

Proverbs 15:13 (NIV)

A new beginning.

2007-12-30T10:53:00.000-08:00

It is less than two days to a brand new year,

which marks a new chapter in my life.

Gulp.

I think,

I am prepared for it.

Are you?

Gulp.

2007-12-23T22:15:00.000-08:00

Not much inspiration to blog recently.

Hopefully it will come soon.

I am totally disheartened that this period of real holidays is coming to a close too soon.

...

To readers of this webbie:

May the gift of love, peace and happiness be yours this Christmas and throughout the coming year.

Have a lovely Christmas :)!

Warm wishes for a great new year ahead :D!

Take care and may God bless you.

Person In Life 6

2007-12-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

The story began in the middle of this year after star2 had commenced. My pair of friends became acquainted with you some time after the only session when you taught those in my class as a relief-mentor. The three of us kept in contact with you after you entered the army weeks later. Towards the end of this year, there was this idea of yours to give us a treat to sort of reward the three of us for our improved performance in Chemistry during the Preliminary Examinations. Little did I expect that this story was about to turn ugly.

The day of the treat was scheduled on the first Saturday after our O levels. After we knew that your birthday happened to fall on the day before our final three papers, we brainstormed about coming up with a combined present to give you. Finally, we had it ready after our Os, on the day before the treat, and intended to give a surprise.

That treat never came into being when you called it off and apparently postponed it that very morning because you had wanted to rest from a tiring week of training. WT and I got to know of the cancellation through A, and so we took it as that. Not long before we knew it, A and you had an argument which increased friction between you and the three of us. At that point in time, the present that we had prepared was kept with me and I wondered when it could be handed to you since there seemed to be not much of an occasion to meet already. It could only be me passing it to you because WT had soon flown overseas and I wasn't sure if A and you were still upset with each other.

Days later, I sent an sms text to you with the genuine concern of finding out the cause of the argument, and with the intention to just find a time to simply, talk. You never got back to me. On November 27, I contacted you again to tell you very honestly that the three of us had actually prepared a present for you and that I was the only possible person to pass it over. However, to my horror, you snapped at me, telling me that your well intentions were so harshly shot down, and that you are too busy to be bothered by us. Yesterday (December 08), I contacted you once again to request for a time to meet. You called me to ask who I was, we talked and later, you agreed that when you were available, you would send an sms text to let me know, thus, the call ended. I had then thought all was well already. Thinking that you might re-add my contact into your phone, I sent an sms text of my name. Little did I know that you would snap at me yet again, saying that my number was saved in your other phone, that you didn't want to meet such aloof girls, and that I could just dump the gift. O_o

Honestly, your replies have provoked me, enraged me, angered me, and upset me. And I do not think you know of it- I do not expect you to, anyway. Blame me for having contacted you at all- that was my only biggest mistake, for all my genuine (and I REALLY freaking mean it) intentions have been misunderstood. I dare say that I have every right to feel offended. You feel that your well intentions have been shot down harshly, then how about mine which you have rejected for twice that I have tried? If you had thought that it was the three of us who had shot you down harshly, you are really mistaken, for it was only A whom you argued with, NOT the three of us. I cannot understand WHAT have I done to make you reply as though I owe you EVERYTHING, to make you judge me as aloof. You can say that I do not understand what life in the army is like, no matter how much of empathy I can have. Fine. But I do not think it is right that you can just take it out on me with such replies if you could have been troubled before I contacted you. I cannot believe that you can tell people to just dump a gift that was bought for you... it just leaves me to conclude that other people deserves much more than you do, the things that each of us three bought. Like I had mentioned earlier, the biggest and only mistake I have made in this episode was to have contacted you. I have never, in my life, met a person like you. I don't label you, call you names, or judge you, for Him up there sees clearly what each of us has done wrong.

God bless you. You have left me with this bad impression of yourself that will stay on for a long time. I do not think you ever treated us three as friends or acquaintances. One thing is for sure and my conscience is clear- I have kept that respect for you as a senior of mine all this while.

Money matters.

2007-12-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

In view of inflation, the GST hike and therefore the rising cost of living that I read and hear of,

it is time to be more thrifty.

You and I.

Everyone.

In other words,

scrimp and save.

Hopefully not to the extent of becoming a miser.

2007 December 01

2007-12-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

Went to LTF in the afternoon at Life Bible-Presbyterian Church- the church that T goes to. Had a very pleasant and enriching time- got to know quite a number of people there. Their friendliness made me feel welcomed :). Thank Him for the time I had there :): felt it was a right choice to start going to church. And thanks to T for his company throughout the afternoon.

Hope that after going to a few churches, I can come to a decision on which to go to weekly. In other words, to make the choice of which church to stay in :).

Good things.

2007-11-26T23:42:00.000-08:00

It was nice when it lasted.

Especially nice feelings.

In me, there is...

2007-11-25T13:51:00.000-08:00

A personal internal struggle,

which is considered only a mild case.

Nonetheless,

it is, still,

a struggle in my heart;

my innermost feelings,

since I got to know that my life has had this slight change, of significance.

Had enough of experiencing and hearing about infatuations and so-called love.

Praying to Him up there is my only solace.

He understands my everything.

2007 November 24- Saturday.

2007-11-25T13:50:00.000-08:00

Went to Ces's church to watch a dance competition within their youth section (I think) in the evening. Jasmine, Josie and LiWen were there too. The event was pretty nice, had a pleasant time and I got to know one of their church members. Had dinner with J, J and LW later on.

A pretty significant day. This is all I can say :>.

Employment.

2007-11-23T19:09:00.000-08:00

Some random thoughts came across my mind today.

My life is constantly changing, and in addition to this transformation in life that I am going through, from the phase of secondary school to pre-university education, my life ain't going to be the same again from today onwards- because of, a thing I got to know.

I prefer to scoop out the little beautiful things that exist in this messy world- I'll sure be happier this way :).

It's the year-end season yet again :P- how time flies. The usual search for sales going on in town and everywhere else resumes. But, this year, things shall be different. While it is usually the hunt for ideal places to shop and eventually spend money inevitably, it is high time I scout for a place to earn money- where there can be an experience, achievement and reward which I can call my own, hopefully.

Real holidays.

2007-11-19T21:30:00.000-08:00

Finally, it's the REAL holidays. I am so glad!

Went out with the Harp Ensemble Wedding (performing) Group today to hunt for a present each for ZQ and JQ. Had a pleasant time- it had been pretty long since we last had an outing. Made a trip to school with them for about an hour of practice. Feels good to be playing the harp again... I sure miss the old days of CCA. Was pretty discouraged though, that my fingers started to hurt shortly after just playing one music piece. Ouw :(.

Last Thursday ( 2007 November 15), NH Grad Nite was held at Meritus Mandarin. To me, the food was pretty tasty- a pity I had missed some dishes because I was all over the place except at my seat... felt quite guilty, because after all, my parents had paid for it for me. The evening was memorable- took many photographs for myself and friends as though it was our last moments together. It still doesn't truly dawn upon me that, hey, I am really going to be separated from my batch of peers after this year. I am still used to thinking that I will still see the same people in NH when school re-opens in the following year... but that will never happen again; those days are forever over. Was kinda disappointed on how the photographs turned out for the event. I realised that photography is tRuly and art - to be able to take clear and pretty photos is indeed a skill. I admit that I ain't 100% skillful at this, but I noticed that people around me tend to think that pressing that shutter release (or "picture taking") button is all it takes to complete the job. That is nOt it- here is when the problem sets in. The slight jerk when pressing that button is often the cause of blur pictures, which was the case for a significant number of photographs taken that evening. Thankfully, I can still make out the people in each picture- that's a good thing and a relief. Will miss my stay in NH...

Anyway, for now, my life is simple and I am happy. I can finally spend time on my hobbies and ALL other things I like to do with no guilt conscience acting against me. Happy holidays to all, especially those who had sat for the Os- a well deserved break has finally arrived.

NH Grad Nite door gift of class videos- memories I will keep.

My hobby- picture collection, from any unwanted source I can get hold of.

All I want and wish for this holiday is to have fun and enjoy myself thoroughly. I want to really, play, for it had been too long since I have genuinely understood what thAt really meant. Hope to update again soon :)).

Ain't any longer.

2007-11-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

Now is a time of transition.

Still in the phase of GCE O LEVELS.

It won't be any longer before my newfound freedom arrives.

I will then DO EVERYTHING ELSE I ENJOY except to STUDY ALL DAY HALF NIGHT.

It's countdown time.

SEVEN DAYS.

HEEHA!

The most stressful week of my life.

2007-10-17T18:56:00.000-07:00

Had wanted to blog about October 12 on that day itself. But, well, here I am now. Official days of school are over. And,

I. do. not. quite. like. the. end. of. this. story.

Countdown to 2007 November 13. O levels, here I come.

Till then, it's serious studying. Books, papers, TYSs. Can't enjoy meals or have a genuinely good rest, because I seem to be doing all of 'em for the sake of doing 'em. The only consolation is my ammunition of salty potato chips to keep me going.

I am sO freaking glad I got over Person In Life 2.

I pray. To keep me sane.

All the best, to all taking the Os. God Bless.

Greasemonkey, I miss you. Looking forward to your return. Life without brothers near me is weird.

Countdown to October 12 :(

2007-09-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

I shudder with the thought that 12 October is approaching. That day will be the last official school day for Sec 4 students in NH. Only two working weeks remaining, and I dread the end of it. I will miss 401, NH Harp Ensemble, all the people I have known and met in NH, and everything in NH dearly :(.

Pickled hearts and soured faces. Again.

Person In Life 2.1

2007-09-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

If not for the telephone conversation with J on the evening of 26 September (Wed), whereby she told me facts, gave advice and words of much caution, I would probably still live in naivety and in some sort of a lie. I now am aware of the reality of you, and I think you are not one suitable person to "mess" with. Not for me to mess with, at least. I feel silly, and I think I am silly to be having this fondness towards you since the beginning of this year when I actually don't know anything about you. And including you as a contact on the messenger was even sillier, because it would most likely not take me anywhere. I need to let go of this, as soon as I can, lest I subconsciously allow it to take the better of me and ruin my upcoming Os and future. Before Wednesday evening, seeing you around everyday gave me some bits of joy because of your face that is perhaps undeniably good looking. Since Thursday, I have found it very difficult to even glance at you.

"Pickled hearts and soured faces."

[a line from the lyrics of Scars (Stronger for Life) by Corrine May] - That's what I am currently going through.

I want to be a normal girl, independent of infatuations and so called love. At least for now. At least till I am mature enough, in a few years time, perhaps.

Struck

2007-09-29T18:14:00.001-07:00

"... Why do we have to judge people for not being us?
Why do we feel judged by other people for not being them?... "

- Page 163 of [Angel's Choice] by Lauren Baratz-Logsted

So true and prevalent indeed. Those two lines just struck me like a bang on my head as I read the book. I was immediately reminded by what A once told me: Do not judge others or you will be judged. I guess the world would be a much better place of each human being just accepted everyone else for who they are, and not... judge others for not being them and shun away from people whom they think aren't like them. This is when cliques form and conflicts arise between or among cliques, which is sad. I guess, and I am sure, many a times, the reality of each person isn't what others perceive them to be from the outwardly appearance. I think it is especially unfair to be judging others by looks and grades.

Well, this is something worth giving thought about, in my opinion. And I do admit that I am still learning complete acceptance. Thanks WT for lending me the book (",).

The glimmer of light.

2007-09-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

Preliminary Examinations ended today after lasting almost a fortnight. As hours before the final paper for the day approached, I felt as though I was nearing the end of a tunnel, reaching out for the glimmer of light. For once in years I felt an extent of true happiness, perhaps because of the developing relationship between Him and I [Please do not misinterpret- Him refers to God]. Throughout this crucial period, I could feel His presence and guidance, which put me at much ease each day, not over stressed nor nervous. Today, I didn't feel as mentally exhausted as I did after previous rounds of exams.

I appreciate all the encouragement and well wishes for exams given to me by family and friends, such as Greasemonkey, Mr D Chow, WT, Ham, D, Momobay, JQ, Ces, and Dude!, plus other classmates, schoolmates and outside friends via sms text messaging during the past weeks :). The warmth and thoughtfulness from friends and people around me never fail to touch me and keep me going :)). There is yet another important and most likely, life-changing tunnel for me to pass through in one month and two days time. I pray. And I shall cherish the time I have left with 401 and my other dear schoolmates at school :').

For now, I would like to enjoy myself as much as I can for the remaining part of this week before continuing the journey to the next tunnel- I need a break from textbooks. My brain juice has been exhausted. So hallo to sms text messaging, the computer, internet, blog, friendster, photography, rest, television, and most importantly, to Him, friends and family. Whew.

Sighs of RELIEF.

Person in Life series will continue soon.

And daang, it's so quick, September is coming to an end already 0_o.

Person In Life 5

2007-08-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

The oncoming traffic for the evening kept me preoccupied with the anticipation of the arrival of bus 961 as I was on the look out for my close friend. I briefly noticed you walk past me after emerging from the side gate of National Junior College, and that you took a second glance at me, suggesting a recollection of familiarity on your side. An unexpected firm tap on my right arm surprised me, and I sensed that that tap was one made by a hand stretched out swiftly and carefully. Our eyes met, and I was stunned. A primary school friend!

When you asked if I remembered you, memories of my lower primary days flashed across my mind. I remembered your face, but I jUst could not recall the name! Your voice had definitely broken to sound so manly, and you are much taller now. I felt embarrassed that I could recognise JR faster than I could identify you, and rather silly that it took so long before it rang a bell in my head when you told me your name. We stared at each other for so long! And I have never stared at someone that long before -_-. I felt a sense of achievement for politeness for waving bye to you before you boarded the bus home. Ha.

It was pretty rude of me not to have greeted "hi" or "hallo" when you tapped me, and for not having said much after recognising you. Thankfully, you didn't mind all that. It was really great to have met you that evening, since at least 3 years ago. Hope we can know each other better as friends in time to come, old friend. God Bless.

NJC Open Day was quite an insight to college life. The people I have encountered are friendly. The school has interesting CCAs, some of which were unheard of to me in the past. Examples are the Piano Ensemble and Photography Club, AND, and, they have a pedal harp in the Symphonic Band! That's pretty cool :). I feel happy for SN to have enrolled there by DSA :).

But, entering NJC may well be a big dream to me, for now.

NH Prelim 2007, here I come!!

Person In Life 4

2007-08-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your guidance in the Chemistry these few months. You were helpful all this while. Now that the programme has officially come to a close, I am very glad it was of much benefit to me. My grades improved, I have overcome my fear at the sight of questions related to Chemistry and I have now gained a keen interest the subject. Thank God. This is a good sign.

I don't know if my pair of friends have misunderstood me before, but I have never had a thing for you. It just happened that during the first session, you turned out pretty friendly... unlike the way I perceived you to be, judging from your face that appeared kinda bian4 tai4 to me, and so my impression changed. I became interested as a friend. At the end of these months, the relation was and probably will always be senior-junior.

All the best for the future. And may we keep in contact.

Person In Life 3

2007-07-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

Our paths crossed on June 26 during the SYF Instrumental Ensemble Presentation (SYFIEP) rehearsal. It was so much of the coincidence that you were the signal guy, for you were the first to catch my eye among the seats when I first reached the stage with my ensemble to practice the fanfare. I have since taken much notice of you, up till the very day of the next rehearsal and actual presentation on July 03. And subsequently despite the shuffle in the programme, you were the usher taking attendance of the representatives from the participating schools for that evening. There was still contact. I had intended to apologise for the blunder I made during the very initial round of rehearsal when you signalled for the first time and I hesitated so much so that I might have almost driven you nuts. I would probably live to regret that I had never picked up the courage to just strike a simple conversation with you to express the apology and perhaps befriend you. And I would also live to regret that I may never meet you again after July 3, unless again, it is His will.

You are an eye candy. But your race perhaps made me realise that over my high school years I seldom interacted with other races. I am thankful I am having increased exposure as time passes. What coincidence that perhaps being a Student Councillor of our respective schools exhibits the only similarity between us. I can say that you did your role as an usher pretty professionally. I could not and still cannot get over you since July 03 and my memory of you has blurred significantly. Overnight, I was confirmed of my previous fondness as real foolish. Perhaps this that I am feeling is yet too silly again. Perhaps nOt. There is hope that I am carrying. May it not be shattered.

The evening of the SYFIEP was probably one of my most enjoyable performances in my Harp Ensemble CCA career. I realised that the people who brought out the genuine me, who really made me smile and go crazy without worries, were my members- the wedding performing group in particular. I would live to know in my heart that my membership in the ensemble was the absolute correct path. Thank God.

Person in Life 2

2007-06-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

We do not know anything about each other. Until now, I only know you by your name and face - a pretty face. And all the while since the beginning of this year I had this strange feeling towards you, an utterly stupid thing that I could not seem to let go. A feeling that always made me feel I was cheating on myself. Perhaps on my part it all had been on impulse and a jump into conclusions too quickly. I heard from people's experience that you are kinda the bad, playful and superficial person.

Nothing much can come out of this unless it is His will that we befriend each other someday, somewhere, somehow. Till then, I take it that you are just... good to look at. To be able to see you for the rest of this year, is for me to engrave your existence into memory. This year is already the final year in NH for our level. After that, when our batch of graduates go our individual separate ways, I may never meet you again.

Person in Life 1

2007-06-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

We never really talked in person. I dared not. I was shy. I was nervous. I could not come up with topics interesting enough to start conversations that could perhaps develop our friendship further. Perhaps it was never a friendship to start with, but only the kind of relation, that we both know we exist in this place. How about you? I do not know. I might never know.

I felt I had more chances to interact with you this year. But all I ever did was only what I had to do when messages came down the line. I had never really spoken more than what I had to. And those were perhaps the many opportunities which I allowed to slip by. Opportunities that could have made us better as friends - perhaps more than just that.

I am fond of you. Fond of you since I knew of this common day shared - the day of every year of my future that would never be the same again from then on. A little bit more significant and meaningful, perhaps. Your self motivation that drives you to work so hard and do well is something highly respectable and admirable.

I may always seem like I never really cared about you. Like you ain't part of my life in any way or any bit. But honestly I do. Very much. I just do not know how to show it. I desire for friendship between us. But... I just do not know how to go about making a start and keep it going from there.

I feel like letting go of this silly thing. But... it's hard to. Just like that.

It is set.

2007-05-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

Daang. I have decided. June holidays ain't gonna be holidays any bit. But workaholic-days. Big time O_o. I am so far from, there. DAANG.

Fourteen Days.

2007-05-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Two weeks of Mid-Year Examinations (MYE) and I cannot quite take it #_#. MYE occupied half of the month of May! Since the 3rd. Can you believe it, half a month is so much time so many days so many million seconds. MYE is finAlly coming to an end. Tomorrow, at approximately 10.30am. Daang. I could faint in utmost relief! O_o

I realised that throughout this longest two weeks of my life: I slept for the sake of sleeping. I am awake for the sake of being awake. I munched for the sake of munching. So fats are coming after me... or should I say, fatty acids plus glycerol? Or lipids? Thankfully I do not study for the sake of studying - at least I think so.

I reckon myself to be thoroughly exhausted tomorrow. Mentally exhausted. And off tangent.

FREAK. I am irritated by the entire galaxy.

And dAAng, what's that something wrong with blogger O_o.

The Shinin' GOLD!

2007-04-20T23:57:00.000-07:00

I am seriously overjoyed. We made history today - NH Harp Ensemble made history today. It was gold GOLD yay GOLD award for us at the SYF CJ!!! I am so extremely PROUD of the ensemble :D! A splendid job done xD! Participating in the SYF CJ 2007 makes it the second ever attempt for NH Harp Ensemble in its short and sweet past - this is our first Gold award ever! Way to GO man!! And thank God! Seriously, thank God!

After our performance at the Singapore Conference Hall, I am glad all of us came out of that stage knowing that we did our best! I gradually became impatient and at the same time, tired, as we waited for the results show to take place. My heart felt as if it could stop beating when the emcee finally emerged with the judges and began to announce the results - I heard quite a number of Gold with Honours', Golds and Silvers for the Junior College and Centralised Institute section. Group by group, everyone in that hall became so emotional. Didn't take notice of which schools were the groups people in the hall from *oops*. Then, for the first time in my entire life, I shed tears of true joy upon hearding the word "Gold" shooting out from the emcee's mouth as NH Harp Ensemble's SYF CJ results were announced. I have never felt so overwhelmed before. Screaming, exclaiming and hugging my teammates were the only things I thought of doing! It was a dream come true!

THANK GOD for what I am and the ensemble is today! THANK YOU to all my team members and Ms M Wong for the wonderful performance today! THANK YOU to all my team members and teachers in-charge for all the time and effort invested in the past months just for this ever-so-special day! THANK YOU to all loved ones who rendered their everlasting support to us all the while!

Today is perhaps the best thing that happened to NH Harp Ensemble so far. This day is probably the happiest day of my entire life. I feel truly liberated like never before. Whee!

Probably no one except my team members can imagine how it felt like to be crying because you were too overwhelmed with joy, because you were too happy and touched. Feels like... in total bliss and relief.

SO Yes, we DID it and we MADE it!
** the SYF group 2007 will separate after today for sure :( I will miss them very very very much x(... but, but, maybe it's all right, because we have made unforgettable memories to keep ^_^ **

***NH Speech Day and hopefully NH CUltural Potpourri***

SYF CJ!!

2007-04-19T22:29:00.000-07:00

I am feeling bolts of excitement as well as waves of nervousness now...

Tomorrow afternoon will be it! SYF CJ for Instrumental Ensembles. At the same time it will be the NH Annual Track and Field Meet cum Walkathon. A rather eventful day :).

401, JIAYOU and all the BEST for track events and all :D! Cannot be with the class the entire day - will miss 'em xD! <3!

NH Harp Ensemble, we CAN do it XD!! Aim HIGH and do your BEST X)! I cannot forget this line by my classmate-member - let's harp together XD! <3!

I pray hard.

Harp Ensemble performance.

2007-04-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

Right. Harp Ensemble performed during school assemblies today ;). Phew - that round of stage fright is finally over. Plong plong plong xD. Apparently the power of at least seven mighty microphones weren't enough to boost the ensemble's audibility. Daang. Double that number of microphones for NH Speech Day please. That'll feel better xD.

And I read that..

2007-04-10T20:55:00.000-07:00

This month's NEWSWEEK says that research has proven that exercising not only makes you fitter, but smarter as well O_o. I hope my eyes are not deceiving me. Daang, I so envy my classmates who do sports. I shall exercise then! Not to shed kilos - because I have lost enough weight since January. I shall do it for the brains and not the body mass xD.

And then there's another detailed article about religion - the debate whether God is real - which aroused me.

Daang, I am feeling so lousy these days :(. Happy moments in my life always seem to be shortlived. Pessimism might eventually kill me, so I shall work on solutions to my emotional swings. O_o

Chemistry 5066.

2007-04-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

Whoarh Daang. I think, I think, my phobia in Chemistry is gradually being overcome, and I am starting to like that subject. Very much.

Two lessons after, and I am beginning to feel the impact of benefit through that Star^2 programme I was selected to go.

:) and my life is still undergoing change...

My heart aches to more than just a dilemma.

2007-04-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

I am upset. Angry. Utterly disappointed. Yes, my heart aches to more than just a dilemma, because I am probably just nowhere - in my studies and this friendship that is cracking from within. I realised that the people in this world are so realistic, and that makes me too naive. Now I realised that many a times, people's behaviour in daily life cannot be taken at face value. Sounds like interpreting some source in Elective History class, but it is just so applicable in life. There is always much more into what we see.

People come and people go. Some may claim to be buddies. But their words do not seem to match their actions. And this mismatch is to a LARGE extent. It is hence obvious that they have a hidden motive. I am angered. I ain't cynical or pessimistic - whatever. I feel drained, and dang it is tiring to think and behave like this friendship is fine and will continue to be fine when deep down it ain't. It ain't.

Firstly, I am not someone's people by just being friends with someone - I am Kit Yeng; myself; an individual; and I behave like ME. Secondly, I do not live the kind of life that someone else wants, or live the life for someone. There are people who just do not seem to have that responsibility to care about themselves. And I am not going to bear that responsibility they lack. Thirdly, if someone tries to bring me down. Let it be. My conscience is CLEAR. Then, I will know, there aren't that many people out there whom I can trust because ultimately it is only Him up there whom I can trust completely.

Dang.

Ain't a fool on April Fool's Day -.-

2007-04-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

I still have not figured out how April Fool's Day came about, other than knowing that this day is somewhat the most suitable time to play pranks and tricks, and literally, fool people. But, gasp. We have just entered the month of April 2007. March, February and January have disappeared into history.

I want to travel faster than the speed of light, backwards. I miss the memories in 401 in the past three months. Okay, that's unrealistic. Well, I guess I would be having more memorable times in the months to come ;).

Greasemonkey! Great to hear from youuuuu :D.

The beginning of an end.

2007-03-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

Of late, it has become apparent to me that the beginning of an end is approaching - 2007 May 20 will be the SYF Central Judging for String Ensembles. That big day would perhaps mark the gradual end of my journey in the Harp Ensemble. This day will be so important. So significant. We will be judged. That one performance determines that medal. That medal definitely determines much of the future for our CCA. It is a chain effect of enormous impact.

And unfortunately, the competition happens to clash with NH Annual Track and Field Meet. I cannot be with 401 then #_#!! What an utter dismay. It just had to be that circumstances will have to prevent me from doing my least of cheering for 401 runners (well, I am assuming and praying there'd be runners for the finals) and just, be there. My heart aches to a dilemma.

The pressure is really setting into me. The Chinese Orchestra, Guzheng Ensemble and Symphonic Band have had their share of stage frights during school assembly yesterday already. Mine will be soon, and the pressure would have accumulated by then...

*Trembles* I need a tight hug. And I probably could hug the tar outta that willing kind friend.
I pray.

Sweet Sixteen.

2007-03-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to MYSELF XD!! And to my classmate Th, and to my friend J as well :D. Feels different sharing the same birth date with people :P, but nonetheless it turns out to be pretty interesting :).

In the last few minutes of 2007 March 26 - Monday, I would say that today had been a lovely day for me because of everybody in my life :)). I am absolutely thankful for all the birthday wishes in various forms, as well as the birthday presents :D! Credits roll coming up soon :).

Gooooood night! LOVE.
God Bless.

Two days to go :)

2007-03-24T16:53:00.000-07:00

Two more days to go :)) to sweet sixteen ;P.

What a sunny afternoon today. It's lovely. The weather must be good for T's birthday today X). Happy 15th Birthday to T XD!

Hoping for just one chance to start anew with A and WT... and just put behind all that.

To sixteen, and not beyond XD!!

2007-03-20T17:53:00.000-07:00

As at today, there would be...

SIX MORE DAYS...

to the age of sixteen!!
Whoolalalalahh :D. *hints!* Okay, I am being silly #_#. But honestly, in my life, March is a wonderful month of many birthdays of the people around me :) <3.

Life recently is perhaps considered to be sunshine after rain :). And for perhaps the first time in my life I scored and A for English- my Common Test 1 essay. What a sense of achievement XD.

WHOZZ, Greasemonkey! Thank you for the comment in my previous post :)! Would be nice if you could tag Puffland as well in future :). Still kinda missing you though :P.

Have a happy day and byeeeeee :).

Heavy Heart.

2007-03-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

Every paragraph of today's entry is gonna be on a totally different thing.

What a big surprise today. Received two birthday gifts in advance jointly contributed by many in the SYF group during Harp Ensemble practice this morning - one Elly elephant pillow and a plush toy in the shape of a milk bottle hAhA :D. I am touched and very thankful. I need to find out who exactly jointly contributed to the gifts before I can thank them here :).

My heart feels heavy recently, and I want to solve this issue at hand but I have just discovered a whole new horizon to it. I feel like a villan, but feel it is all quite unfair as well. Am confused. Within a matter of a fortnight, my life has changed significantly. It is scaring me that I am not making much sense sometimes in my thoughts and writing recently.

I have to wait for three mighty months (which seem like eternity) before my hair grows back because I just had it cut yesterday and it looks so toot. Investiture is next week! SYF Central Judging is next month! Uggghh. What a heartache, and disappointment. I shall try hard to be optimistic - hair will eventually grow! -.-

This paragraph shall be dedicated to Greasemonkey - I hope you are reading this. Gasp, I am starting to miss you lah. I hope you have more or less settled down there already :). So perhaps it's gradual independence training for me as the months pass :).

Sigh. I have nothing else to say. Deep impressions- "surprise" and "toot". -.-
I pray.

2007 Term 01 Break - March 10 to March 18.

2007-03-10T00:47:00.000-08:00

Pink face pink neck pink arms pink legs- the result of the scorching sun during NH Road Run cum Mass Games (what a long long name of the day!) on 08/03/2007. I shall officially announce the existence of THE WALKIN' TOMATO. It hurts all over that is sunburnt, especially my face- I cannot blink hard or smile hard or laugh hard or even rub my nose or scratch my face. Blame it on my forgetfulness. That bottle of Coppertone sunblock lotion could well have saved the current chaotah me -.- Ahh well, I pray hard that this bbq phase would pass soon.

I don't know if the following bunch of stuff that I will type will be of help, but anyway...

Saturday 10/03/2007:
Flag Day for Society for the PMBM Scholarship Fund Board (LBKM)
Time- 8.00am to 12.00pm
Collection Point/Reporting Venue- Jurong East MRT Station
Areas involved- Bukit Batok, Jurong East, Clementi, Ghim Moh
Reporting time- 8.00am

Sunday 11/03/2007:
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Monday 12/03/2007:

English Language Workshop [check noticeboard at G.O. for details]
Reporting time- 7.30am in school
First session- 8.00am to 10.00am
Second session- 10.30am to 12.30pm
Physics class

Time- 1.30pm to 3.30pm

Tuesday 13/03/2007:
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Wednesday 14/03/2007:
Additional Mathematics class
Time- 8.00am to 10.00am
Venue- Classroom of 401
Physics class
Time- 10.15am to 11am++

Thursday 15/03/2007: [*Lei Hoi's birthday (:]
Additional Mathematics class
Time- 8.00am to 10.00am

Friday 16/03/2007: [*Serene's birthday (:]
----

Saturday 17/03/2007:
----
Sunday 18/03/2007:
----

***back to school on Monday 19/03/2007_end of break***

Upcoming Tests in the first dew weeks of 2007 Term 02:

Additional Mathematics
Chapter 15- "Differentiation and its Techniques"

Biology Revision Test
Chapter 5- Nutrition
Chapter 6- Nutrition in Mammals
Chapter 7- Nutrition in Plants

Chemistry
1. Qualitative Analysis
2. Self Study [during term 01 break] :
Chapter 10- Ammonia
Chapter 11- Sulphuric Acid
Chapter 12- The Atmosphere and Environment

History Elective (SEQ)
Chapter 9 Section 9.1- "Civil War 1946-49"

Social Studies (SEQ)
Chapter 2 Section 2- "Singapore's Ageing Population"

(all information as at 12/03/2007)

Yupp. Should there be any errors that I have made, kindly let me know them, thank you :). Although at a time like ours, it may not be very appropriate to wish "a Happy holiday", I guess I would just wish everyone to have a peaceful holiday :).

God Bless.

Alas - the existence of a tagboard. Plus update.

2007-03-03T12:26:00.000-08:00

All in good time. Common Test 01 had just been over, and I am now fully recovered :). Thank God. The stress of mugging has disappeared temporarily :).

AND. I finally - after what-seemed-like eternity - went about finding out how to insert a tagboard to my blog :D. Appreciated T's help :). I am now open to more comments and tags here X)! Thank you :D.

Apologies for leaving this webbie of mine stagnated for more than a month. Hmm... life as a Secondary 4 student seems more interesting than I had imagined it to be :). It is my final year in NH, and I feel that it is only apt that I live everyday to the maximum, and hence live the most outta this significant year. Life is perhaps gradually becoming more of an adventure for me. It is going to change so much at every subsequent step of the way. So many things are going to happen this year - besides the GCE O Level examinations- and life would presumably be much different one year from now. Really.

Hmmm... I feel that I haven't really had enough of life in NH. It's like, after 2007, that will be it- the close to the big chapter of my life in Secondary school, and sadly, hence no more time left for the chapter to continue. I cannot bear to part with 401 after this year. Honestly speaking, this class is probably the best that I had ever had. People in there are simply interesting and fun to be with. It is indeed evident that there is a world inside each individual :). The friendships that I have in 401 and in NH could well mean everything to me. Academically, it feels more competitive in 401- knowing and witnessing for myself that my classmates are more concerned about studies motivates and pushes me :).

For life in February...
Fell ill for the second time in the year, right smack on the first day of the Chinese New Year- which meant that after all I could not enjoy much of all the visiting and eating during the festive season. There were practically no clinics in operation during the long CNY weekend, and when there was finally an operational one in sight- it was so crowded that I was pretty put off. Thankfully nothing too serious happened to me subsequently :).

Common Test 01 came the week right after that one long and relaxing week for CNY and boy oh boy it turned out to be more tedious than I had thought. Two papers everyday for four consecutive days of the entire week and a single final paper yesterday. It was like... take the test(s) -- have lessons -- school dismissed -- go home -- rest -- study -- eat -- study -- rest - everyday. For a long time, now I finally feel justified using the computer now, because, well, I felt that I had done my best for this week :).

Also, during the month, had quite a handful of interesting telephone conversations with friends like LW, T, and SII. =)

------------------------------------------------

At present, the month of March has arrived- the speed of time never fails to amaze me. The month of my birthday has come :D (*hints XD)!! I feel more grown-up :)). Next week is already the last week of 2007 Term 01. Life just gets busier by the day, and as a student, I am to expect 6-day weeks in Term 02... pretty -.- actually. Ahh well, with interesting people and friends in school whom I get to see everyday, I certainly look very much forward to the future :))!

__the sunshine is my warmth ^^__
God Bless!
Kit Yeng.

Gust of Wind!

2007-01-28T22:35:00.000-08:00

TODAY, the wind seems to have a ball of a time and it blows with such energy! The wind, if you have not noticed, is so strong we can save on electricity because we absolutely do not need the fan! But it is so strong that I think we seriously need layering of clothes -.-. Blow wind blow xD!

Fresh Start.

2007-01-08T22:10:00.000-08:00

6 January 2006 is probably the day when I learnt the most amount of things about Christianity within one night. I was enlightened, and am grateful and Him and T. That phonecall had really set my mind thinking since, and my doubts about life have been cleared significantly.

(photographer: Yengy aka Munkeng)

It is already the beginning of the second week of the first school term, and I guess I am gradually feeling thoroughly refreshed, as well as feeling happiness, just like I had wished for before the arrival of this new year. Thank God.

My fire has ignited in me. How about yours?

School Starts.

2007-01-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

Felt that it was a must to blog this day because the weather was fabulous- my favourite sunny day all day, on top of being a Saturday. I cannot help but feel that warmth of the sunshine, at least it eases what seems to be my agony. Had CCA Extravaganza in the morning in school to showcase to the freshmen of NH.

The first school term has commenced and everything is moving towards being in full swing. The typical responsibility of a student comes back in, with additional load of CCA and 14thSC commitments. I cannot quite believe it is indeed my final year in NH. I wonder what will be of me at this time next year. For now, my future is in my hands. And thankfully my mind is set pretty on the right track. Orientation Camp is round the corner, looking pretty much forward to it. I hope all is going well for everyone back at school and at work.

Kit Yeng

Last Day; Hope For A Fresh Start.

2006-12-31T19:11:00.000-08:00

Pretty unbelievable to me that, as I am typing, it is the final day of the year 2006. It seemed so much like yesterday when everyone welcomed this year. I have so many things to say; much feelings to express; but seems quite overwhelming for me to do so. After reflecting on 2006, I must say, I have learnt much about life and people, all thanks to this year. I can say, at least I did the most during this year-end school holiday as compared to school holidays of the past. Unfortunately I have two regrets- I felt that I had spent insufficient time with Carp3 D1em throughout the year, and I felt I wasted the entire year because I neglected studies. But I vow to Him and myself that I will change these. I will and I must. No excuses.

My only hope for the coming year 2007 is to have a fresh beginning for the year. To feel refreshed when I face the first days and weeks of the year. I want to be happy. I want to feel like I am at the top and not in the depths of what seemed like the end. I pray.

Happy New Year :). May 2007 be a much blessed, happy, fruitful and memorable year for everyone. And may everyone be in good health. That much I can say and these are all I wish for. God Bless.

Love,
Kit Yeng.

Lost.

2006-12-17T22:10:00.000-08:00

Pretty lost now. Feel like catching up with friends but ain't sure who to approach. I seem to have been roaming aimlessly within myself this holiday. Feels as though I have done many things... and yet it feels as though I haven't. Queer isn't it? I cannot figure it out myself. Lagging behind in my Christmas plan... yet I feel so uncertain as to what to write on each. I feel really detached- my feelings, thoughts, actions and reality are apart. Am I going up or down?

Holidays Before The Future.

2006-11-09T17:35:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since my previous. EOY exams were long over and I had only improved a little... probably only enough to push my overall grades for the entire year to a relatively safe level. There seems a whole LOT to do this EOY holidays. Well... I'll try to think of something favourable to blog about soon. Meanwhile I am hit by viral flu. So shoo people if you don't want me to sabo your health... at least till a day later.

*sniffs. sneezes. shivers.*

So many things

2006-09-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

EOY exams 2006 is just a few days away. Have I made the right move? Probably realising my mistake during the September holidays might have been a little too late. I don't know. I realised I have been dreaming and cheating on myself throughout the entire year subconsciously, but now I am really awake... only to realise how serious I have neglected my studies. I just wanna grab all the time I can grab to use now. Study. Study is all I wanna do.

Friendship... I don't know. Am I really thinking too much or is it really happening? I feel that me and my good friend S is drifting away from each other because maybe S had found another friend who has more or less the same status and who could be a better friend. I feel S is being snatched away. My friend... gone just like that?.... I don't know. Once of this kinda experience in the past was enough... not another. I don't wanna painfully watch with my very own eyes my own friend snatched gradually... ...

And about not having emotional problems just before EOY... I am afraid I have one now.

In my friendships with people... don't talk about status and power and age. It won't mean anything to me in friendships.

Kit Yeng.